This is not really a workshop, and I’m sorry if I have led some of you want-to-be photographers on with this headline. It’s actually a weight loss support group that I am hoping to lead. I probably should have titled this entry, “Bikini Meltdown”, because that is what it is, really. I just arrived home from the most needed vacation in Hilton Head Island, SC. It was complete with long evening walks, mint juleps, the best and freshest seafood I have had in years, kayaking, sun worshiping etc, etc… it would have been absolutely perfect had I not put on the dreaded bikini. All I can say is serious, meltdown! This sounds vain, I know, but I was in hysterics about the muffin top that loomed above my bikini bottoms and wouldn’t even take my towel off so that Jesse could see me. I have never, ever been a bikini girl, mind you. I have always been the good ole’ sports tank swimsuit girl who wears cover ups and slowly de-robes as she enters the pool, inch by inch so as not to get it wet, but still remained covered at all times. I really wish I would have gone this route in Hilton Head, but Jesse encouraged me to put on a bikini– telling me there is really no reason I should look like a mom before I am one in that frumpy one piece tank. So I gathered all the courage I could muster (liquid of course) and bought a bikini from the TJ Max down the street. It was all downhill from there.
This may be TMI for most of you, but I’m blogging about this because for some reason, putting my thoughts and opinions out there on the inter-web for others to see and read, somehow seems to be a catharsis for me….It becomes “real”. I try to blog about everything from inspiring sabbaticals to Paris to some of my more trying moments with clients. Today I’m blogging about my shame and long life battle with my body image. I wouldn’t call myself fat by means—maybe a little “pleasantly plump”. But I have, since the age of 14 struggled with food, eating issues and body image. You can ask my mom, after every singe meal or snack I would ask her, “Do I look fatter to you”? Logically, of course there is no way that one could look fatter after eating one healthy meal, but that gives you a better picture of my relationship with food. Food has been both my enemy and my console. And every minute of my life feels like another minute of failure when it comes to self-acceptance and/or looking and feeling the way I would like.
Enough is enough. The bikini did me in. I am going to make some serious changes to my lifestyle… both with food and also with how I view myself. It’s ironic that I see every body so unique and beautiful when photographing it, but with my own there so much disgust and shame. I am 32 years old. If I don’t start loving my body now, I never will. So without further ado, I am starting a weight loss support group. Let me preface this by saying this is not a diet, but a program that changes the way we view food. The program is called Prism and is based on biblical principals and address the whole person–body, mind, spirit. The bible verse that inspired this program is Romans 12:1-2 which says “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Amen.
I am hoping to get a group of 10 together which will meet at my studio once a week on Monday evenings to encourage and inspire each other to commit to this lifestyle change. There will be no humiliating weigh-ins, and I won’t be a Nazi leader up there telling you what “not to eat” or that have done “wrong” each week. Because, let’s be honest here… I’ll be on this road with you. I want to foster confidence, a change in the way we view our bodies, how we deal with our emotions and anxieties and how we view food. And I’d like to drop 15 pounds, of course! If any of you are interested please reply to this blog or shoot me an email to [email protected]. I’m hoping to kick this off on Monday April 19th at 6pm at my studio on 2405 W 32nd Ave Denver, CO 80211. Please come and check it out. There is no pressure and I won’t ask you to commit until you are ready to. I can’t think of a better time to get working on those bikini bodies (and minds) and support each other each week. And of course it will be a great excuse to get together once a week for fellowship and laughter…